Yes, I work full time

Before I had Abby, I thought working "full time" meant going to work 40-50 hours a week, setting goals, accomplishing tasks, getting measurable results, and getting a pat on the back when I was done. But now that I am a stay at home mom, the words "full time" have taken on a whole different meaning. Full time means that no matter the day, the hour, the inconvenience or the sacrifice, I'm on the "mom clock". It means middle of the night feedings, endless diaper changes, and hours spent soothing my teething baby. It means my goals for the day might be to get a load of laundry in the washer and to get Abby to eat all her sweet potatoes.  But full time mommyhood also has meant a change in my identity, who I am on the inside. When I was working, I could separate my "job" from the rest of my "personal" life. Now that I am a mom, there is no separation between the two. Like last week, when I went to the gym. My husband told me I needed to start making more time for myself, and so I joined the nearby fitness club. I walked in for the first time, got on the treadmill, put my water bottle in one holder and my cell phone in the other, in case Ben called with a question about Abby. I knew he was totally capable of taking care of her, but on the off chance he needed me, I didn't want to miss it.  I realized at that moment that "full time" meant something totally different  for me now. It means no matter what, I'm thinking about my baby and what she needs and how I can give her the best life I possibly can. And it's a lot harder than I ever imagined!