It's a parental right of passage. Sending our children off to school for the first time, taking the obligatory "first day" picture, remembering how small they seemed only yesterday. I loved seeing the joy and excitement on the faces of the youngest kids and the feigned annoyance of the older ones. Back to school is an exciting time of year!
This year was a little different, however. Many of Abby's friends and peers headed off to preschool for the first time. I'm not sure about you, but where I live, preschool is almost as expected as the sun rising in the morning. It's not a matter of if I will be sending my child, it's more just a matter of where. I can't tell you how many times I've been asked where I am sending Abby to 3 year old preschool this year.
To answer simply, I'm not sending her to preschool. Usually when I tell people this, they raise their eyebrows and say, "oh, well you still have another year before kindergarten." It's like they have to compensate for the unexpected answer and rationalize my decision. I suppose they find comfort in the idea that as long as I send her next year, things will be fine. But I'm going to let you in on a little secret: I'm not sending her next year either.
If you had asked me a few years ago if Abby would attend preschool I would have said yes without thinking. Everyone I knew sent their children and it seemed like the best decision to make. But then, I started thinking. And researching. And growing in confidence as a mother.
When Abby was born, I made the decision to stay at home full time. While this meant I got to witness every milestone and every "first" it also meant changing the way Ben and I handle our finances. After Josh was born, it meant stretching one income to support four people. It's a decision I have never regretted, but it brings its own set of challenges. It also means I don't make financial decisions lightly.
Here's the thing many of us don't want to admit. Preschool is a financial decision. Now, moms reading this and thinking "oh my gosh she has no idea what she's saying and how dare she minimize the rewards of preschool", just relax. I think preschool is wonderful. But it is also expensive. And the cost of preschool is out of reach for many one income families.
I remember when I first started thinking about keeping Abby home instead of sending her to preschool. I told another mom friend what I was thinking and her response was one I will never, ever forget. Her eyes grew wide and she shook her head as she said, "Wow. I don't think you know how important preschool is. I used to be a kindergarten teacher, and I could ALWAYS tell you the kids in my class who had not been sent to preschool. Believe me, it is an investment in Abby's future, and it will be a huge disadvantage not to send her."
Wow. Talk about a punch to the gut. I went home thinking, "I am a horrible parent for even considering keeping my daughter at home and I have to do whatever it takes to send her to preschool." That mom didn't know it, but she had struck at the very core of who I am as a parent. We all want to do what is best for our children. And I don't know any parent who would willingly put their child at a disadvantage. I had a lot of guilt and started questioning my own judgment. This mom didn't mean any harm, she felt she was looking out for me. And she wasn't the only person to respond that way. But it shook me and rattled my confidence.
Thankfully, God has been gracious enough to put some absolutely wonderful friends in my life. My friend Sarah, who I have known since I was just a teenager, has four children of her own and has made the decision to homeschool them. I have often marveled at her ability to raise four boys, run a household, and homeschool at the same time! As she shared her own road that led to that decision, she encouraged me to stay true to myself. She shared the joy of hearing her oldest read by himself for the first time and how deeply satisfying it was to know she had taught him how to do that.
With her encouragement I began looking into homeschool preschool. And what I discovered was that I am more than capable of preparing Abby for kindergarten right here at home. I discovered that education is not a "one size fits all" and that there is more than one way to invest in my child's future.
The cost of preschool is roughly $2,500 a year. That is a big investment. And what will my return be? Abby will have fun, learn her letters and numbers, get some classroom experience, and have peer interaction. All of those things are wonderful, but are there other ways to get the same results?
Think about it like this. If I were able to come up with $2,500 "extra" a year and decided, instead of preschool, to invest that money in Abby's 529 college savings plan, it would be worth over $7,000 by the time she is ready to enroll as a freshman in college. And when I think about it like that, I would venture to suggest, that if given the choice, Abby would probably choose to have that money for college instead.
Here's the thing. I personally don't believe that sending Abby to preschool will make or break her education. Kids, by nature, are learners. They are sponges. My daughter is only three and she can explain the full life cycle of a butterfly, how bees pollinate flowers, and what makes a rainbow. She knows how to measure ingredients when we cook together and how to be responsible for her own daily chores. She is curious, creative, and always learning.
This year Abby will attend dance once a week, church on Sundays, and play groups every now and then. She and I will learn letters while reading her favorite stories, develop scissor skills while making crafts for Daddy, and count chocolate chips while making cookies. She will be learning, interacting, and having fun.
I often think back to what that mom said to me. It used to make me worry. I worried that Abby would be that child. The one the teacher knew didn't go to preschool. I thought that would be a bad thing.
But as Abby has gotten older, I have learned to trust myself a little more. I have learned that I can make good decisions for my children, despite the perceived popularity of those decisions.
I have absolutely nothing bad to say about preschool. I think it is WONDERFUL. I one hundred percent support the parents who make that decision for their child. Not every parent out there has the means, interest, or opportunity to do preschool at home. Preschool provides a fantastic environment for children to learn and get ready for full-time school. I just don't think Abby "needs" it. And I am simply not in a position to pay for it.
I hope that in two years when Abby gets to kindergarten that the teacher does notice right away that something is different about her. I don't think it will be the kind of difference that mother alluded to a few years ago. I think it will be Abby's kindness, curiosity, manners, and genuine love of learning that will stand out from the rest. Because that's what I am focusing on here at home. I think the teacher will notice a child who is dearly loved and whose mother genuinely wants to give her every advantage that she possibly can.
So for now, we're opting out. Swimming against the tide. I'm following my instincts and learning to be comfortable with my voice.
I don't suggest that the decision to send a child to preschool is a wrong one. If money were no object, perhaps I would think differently. But that's not the world I live in.
I think my experience speaks to how we interact with one another as parents as a whole. I have run into moms who applaud my decision. Others respond less kindly. I don't think we always consider that another parent's financial situation might look different than our own. I don't think we always consider the motives behind parenting decisions. It is easy to make a quick judgment and blurt out blanket statements. I think as parents we just need to work a little harder at encouraging one another in our decisions. We need to remember that we all want the same things: our children to feel loved, find success, have opportunities. We don't all get there the same way, and that should be okay.
So, preschool mom who just sent your son/daughter for their very first day, I pray that your child will have a wonderful, fulfilling, fantastic school year. I applaud you for taking steps towards furthering your child's education and development. I trust that you know what is best for your child and your family. I have the same goals that you do, I'm just doing things a little differently. I ask for your support and kindness in return.
And finally, I might be doing things a little differently than you are, but even as a homeschool mom, I can't help but share a picture of my beautiful baby on her first day of preschool-at-home. Where has the time gone?
