If you hadn't noticed, there has been some radio silence on this blog for a couple of months.
A lot has happened since I last posted.
My husband got a new job.
We got a puppy.
The new job started mid-June, so Ben had to leave and start that while I was home managing two kids and a puppy for two months.
We sold our house.
We moved two hours away from New Jersey to Pennsylvania.
That's the short version.
The long version is filled with a lot of ups and downs and goodbyes and emotions.
I told my friends usually it's during those kinds of times that I'm blogging and reflecting, but that this time I just couldn't figure out what to write.
They told me I was too busy just trying to handle my daily life, and that the words would come later.
They're starting to come.
Moving is hard. Really hard. I miss my house, my friends, my family, my memories. I miss knowing where all the best playgrounds are. Where the groceries are located in the grocery store. I miss knowing how to get anywhere without Google maps. I miss knowing which friend's house to drop by when I'm having a rough day.
I miss being comfortable.
I know God is in this thing. I know He has a plan. But there is nothing comfortable about this.
I am thankful for a lot of things. We have a beautiful new house. Lots of kids in the neighborhood. Ben loves the new job.
But this whole moving thing is really hard for me. And right now I am daily battling the struggle of feeling guilty for feeling so sad when I know there is much to be thankful for. I'm trying my best. If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook you'd probably have no idea how much I am struggling with this. That's the funny thing about social media. You can paint any picture you want.
I'm an introvert. Naturally I am very shy. It takes me a long time to let people in. If you're reading this and that surprises you, it's because I've become really good at faking it over the years. I can put on a smile and talk all the small talk in the world, and you'd have no idea how uncomfortable I am and how hard I am trying to make a good impression.
I hate being in situations where I don't know anyone. I hate having to make conversation with a bunch of new people. I get drained having to put on a super friendly face and act like everything is just wonderful.
Basically, living in a new neighborhood, that's what I have to do every day right now.
I'm the kind of person who prefers to have a few close friends, not a whole bunch of acquaintances. But real friends take time to make. And energy. And putting myself out there to meet them in the first place.
I know I have to give it time. And I will. But the in-between is rough. And lonely. And scary.
I cling to the promise of Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
For now, it is just one day at a time. Counting my blessings and believing that God is working this out, not just for the good of my family, but for me too.
I have so many more blog post topics on my mind, but I had to say all of this first. And just be real about where I am right now so that the rest of the words can come.
