Gimme Some Sugar

I have to admit that I am really glad the holidays are over. Don't get me wrong, I loved all of the excitement and time that I got to spend with family. But inevitably the holidays also meant lots of pies, cookies, cakes, and every other decadent food I try to steer clear of the rest of the year. But this year there was an unexpected added stressor to my annual sweets and treats avoidance mission. This was the first year that Abby was really eating table food. And so, right along with me she was enjoying turkey, potatoes, and stuffing. And then, at the end of each meal, when the dessert was being passed around the table, everyone wanted to see her enjoy it too. But as I looked at those sugary desserts, I'd feel my stomach knot up just a little, and politely decline to let her dive into an entire piece of apple pie.  Instead I'd offer to give her a small bite of mine. And at every meal, I'd get raised eyebrows and surprised looks. I guess there's just something about watching a baby dive face first into a piece of cake or pie that's seen as some sort of rite of passage. And while Abby's grandparents all respected my decision, I know they were a little disappointed.

I know I may have come off as the holiday dessert grinch, only letting Abby have one small bite of pie per meal. But here's the thing, every three months I take Abby into the doctor for her checkup, and she gets weighed and measured. And every three months I feel like I'm being weighed and measured as to whether or not I am feeding her the right amounts of the right things and keeping her healthy. And I take that job seriously. Whether it means staying awake night and day to breastfeed her as a newborn, to now planning out her meals to include lots of fruit and vegetables and very little salt and sugar. And although Abby has a healthy appetite, she still eats like a little bird as most 13 month old babies do, and I hate to have her fill up on empty calories, knowing that means she won't eat as much of the good stuff as she should.

On the other hand, it's a lot of fun watching Abby experience new foods, and we had a lot of fun this holiday season seeing her dive into sweet potato casserole and squish up her face as she got her first taste of cranberry sauce.  I know that our families wanted to see her enjoying the delicious desserts too, and I did feel bad not letting them have that experience. I hated seeing disappointment as they asked me "really? she can't have some?"  But in the end I guess it's about balance. My first job is to take care of Abby... and that means following my instincts and sometimes disappointing others. This year it meant saying no to dessert.  But it's also important for me to figure out when to let loose a little, and give our families, meaning Abby's grandparents, the experiences they've been looking forward to, which includes watching Abby dive into a piece of pie. Striking the right balance is not easy for me. 

I hope it gets easier with time and experience. Next year, when she's talking, and can ask for dessert, I think I'll be more willing to let her have some. Maybe two bites next year instead of one ;)

From Baby to Toddler

Just a few weeks ago my baby turned one. My BABY turned one. It's amazing how fast she changed in just one year. It's hard to put into words the jumble of emotions that I feel when I think about it. As I watch her grow and see her personality begin to show, I get so excited about all the wonderful things that are ahead of us... Girl Scout meetings, t-ball games, sleepovers, vacations!! I know, I know, she's not even walking yet, but as she starts to grow into a little girl, I can't help but imagine all the fun we're going to have. And really, we're having so much fun right now. Our days are filled with giggles and Elmo and dancing and new discoveries. I think we're having more fun now than we ever did when she was just a few months old. She sleeps through the night, can feed herself, takes regular naps, can show us what she wants/needs. It's so much easier than just a few months ago!  But then, even in the midst of my relief that she's not a newborn anymore, there's this little bit of sadness that sometimes creeps in, and I realize how fast time is going, and that my baby isn't going to be a baby for much longer.  I wish I could somehow capture and keep those precious baby moments forever. Like this morning, when she woke up while it was still dark and wanted a bottle, and I held her and rocked her and she looked up at me with those big blue trusting eyes as she twirled my hair in her fingers. And I felt the myriad of emotions start swelling... joy in the moment, sad that it won't last forever, excited for what is to come... And as I hear her in the next room, banging away on the keys of her new toy piano and giggling all the while, I realize that I've got to purpose in my heart to enjoy each stage as it comes, because they'll pass by all too quickly.